BY GREG KOPETSKY, FEATURES EDITOR, AND MATTHEW SMEE, SPORTS EDITOR
Disclaimer: We do not mess with Starbucks in any way, shape, or form. If you go to Starbucks every day for a year, you are spending close to two stacks, which is enough money to send yourself to St. Albans for two full weeks. That is way too much money and we usually don’t stand for it. However, this month we decided to venture beyond our comfort zone and into this realm of novel-writing Mac users and mopey crew kids.
It seems that every fall, a beacon of delicious hope comes thru as the seasonal latte flavors make their way into this neck environment. We had to give them a try. So on a blustery afternoon we made our way over to the Bucks. As soon as the door closed behind us, the regular Starbucks-goers ogled through their thick-rimmed-glasses, wondering why our eyes were so bare and why our heads lacked beanies.
“Can we get one Pumpkin Spice Latte and one Toasted Graham Latte, both small please?” we asked.
“You mean both tall?” said the pretentious barista out of his itchy butthole. We had to refrain so hard from dropping his tukus right on the spot.
Despite this near-death experience, the drinks were quite good. They are essentially hot milkshakes, but you don’t look like a complete sweetboy while drinking one. They’re also basically indistinguishable from each other as far as taste goes, which is sick, so don’t stress about which one to get. Just stress about the fact that they’re five bucks a piece. You could get enough Arizonas to quench Coach Mark’s insatiable thirst with that money. That’s all that needs to be said.
All in all, you should only be buying one of these drinks if cuffing season started early for you, your significant other wanted a frappe, and you’d look weird not getting a drink.