Huānyíng, varavēṟpu, selamat datang, and welcome, to the 11th official installment of Ellie’z Tipz! For this milestone edition, I am rewarding my faithful fans with a gift, the most precious gift in all the world: Health.
Which is why I greeted you all in Mandarin, Tamil, Malay, and English– those are the four official languages of Singapore, the healthiest country in the world! (According to Bloomberg.)
Of course, we can’t all live in Singapore, and if you’re reading The Beacon, you almost certainly don’t. But what we can all do is strive to be as healthy as we can. And what I can do, as someone who has already met that goal and passed it, is help you get there.
As shocking as it may seem, health is not all cardio and cabbage. While being fit and eating well are important, they are mere components of one’s holistic health; the overall health of the mind, body, and spirit. Only someone who has achieved peak health in each of those elements can call themselves a true Health God. And that may take a long time. Years, even. But you can start right now, with my tips for beginning your journey to betterment of the mind, the body, and the soul.
- The Mind: Relieve stress with adult coloring books by ripping them apart and lighting the pages on fire
Nothing says “release” quite like lighter fluid. For millennia, humans have been lighting fires as a way of relieving stress. Think of the cavemen– they used fire to cook their food, which relieved their jaws of the stress of chewing raw meat, and their digestive systems the stress of breaking down raw plant matter. And think of the world before electricity, when people would light candles to relieve their eyes of the stress of trying to see in the dark. Burning things is one of the most natural ways of relaxing, it’s practically in our DNA.
Coloring books, meanwhile, serve as a means to stress us out more. You can’t use colored pencils, because you have to press down really hard for any color to come out, but if you make one mistake with a marker, the whole drawing is messed up! And all the while we’re being forced to stay within the lines! In the words of the great Natasha Bedingfield, “We are conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way, no no.”
Well, neither can I. Instead of trying to squeeze between those lines, I rip them apart and set them on fire. It’s my way of rebelling against the forces telling me I have to be perfect, while still blowing off some steam by destroying things and watching them burn.
2) The Body: Eat avocados, and avocados exclusively.
You know the saying: “An avocado a day keeps the doctor away.” But you may not know that there is actually another part of that saying, which is, “Nine avocados a day put the doctor out of a job.”
Avocados, (Niúyóuguǒ, Veṇṇey paḻaṅkaḷ, and avokado, as they are also known in Singapore,) are the single healthiest food in the history of the earth. Full of good fats, Vitamin C, and creamy deliciousness, avocados are the superman of the nutritional world. They are so good for you that someone who eats an avocado-only diet has a very good chance of living forever.
A single avocado has around 230 calories, so in order to satisfy the 2,000 calorie daily standard, you should aim for eight to nine of the fruits every day. And be sure to eat the whole thing, including the skin and pit.The skin, of course, is a great source of fiber, and the pit will keep you feeling full longer!
Eating only avocados has an additional health benefit- you’ll get plenty of exercise by running to bathroom several times a day!
3) The Soul- Practice the three R’s: Repent, repent, and repent!
The soul is the most important component of holistic health, and the one you really can’t afford to skimp on. Some day, no matter how mentally adept or physically fit you are, your mind and body will expire. Your soul, however, will go on forever.
And let me ask you this: Do you want your soul to suffer for all eternity? If your answer is no, you had better start confessing your sins and begging for forgiveness, because the clock is ticking and St. Peter doesn’t have time for your excuses.
No matter how many of the Ten Commandments you’ve breached, there is always a chance for redemption. You just have to admit that you’ve done wrong. The night after I confessed my involvement in the infamous 1947 Black Dahlia murder, I slept like a baby knowing I had made right with the man upstairs.
Wherever you have been, wherever you are, and wherever you are going on your own life journey, make your health a priority. Exercise your mind, protect your body, and purify your soul. Set stuff on fire, eat avocados, confess your sins. Live, love, laugh. Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Remember that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom– and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
IMAGE COURTESY OF PIXABAY.COM