Graphic by Sarah Morgan
As Gen Z, we are digitally gifted. We admire, adore, and worship technology!!! She is our new G-d. Anyways, this means that we are THE experts on social media. Sharah Lorgan, however, is better than you. We have a huge, juicy, creative brain, full of knowledge and ideas, including what’s hot and what’s not. We have come to tell our fellow Wilson kids what platforms are sexy, and what’s for the weird, boring kiddies who just HAD to party during a #pandemic!
Get Facebook. Your parents’ pre-divorce photos are on Facebook, and it’s traumatizing. We get that. But, it will make your home screen look SO retro! Plus, what other app lets you scroll through unlimited political propaganda! Listen closely: Unlimited! Political! Propaganda! Who doesn’t love that?
Buy Vine 2. We hear it’s retailing for 69 cents! And word on the Red Line is that it could be the next TikTok.
Like Ms. Martin’s posts on LinkedIn. First, follow her. Then, become her number two fan. (You can’t be number one, we already claimed that title.)
Use Peepop™: Honest Scamming! Since Depop sellers love to pass off their Shein stockpiles as sustainable, vintage clothing (while overcharging every time hehe!) we’ve decided to create our own online store to scam people on. With Peepop, you can sell your Y2K Super Cute Floral Babydoll dress ONE SIZE FITS ALL from Dollskill, AllyExpress, or Brandy, for $30 more than you got it!
Talk smack about your ex on Reddit. “I blocked my ex on all social media platforms, including Google Hangouts and Canvas, AITA?”
Netflix Party with your AP Lang class! Reading? What’s that? Instead of sitting in front of a “book,” using your “brain,” you could be Netflix and chilling with the 27.5 kids in your class, all commenting jokes just a smidge late so they don’t make sense anymore. Sounds fun!
Delete Instagram. You knew it was coming. “The Gram” is toxic guys. We all know you’re sick of your acquaintance’s selfies, and we’re 1000 percent sure each of you has deleted it over three times.
Redownload Instagram. Haha Mark Zuckerberg is definitely not holding a gun to our head right now. Redownload Instagram guys it’s super cool haha.
And there you have it folks, our nine simple tips on how to do social media correctly. Don’t thank us now, just try not to forget us when you drop out of college, as you are the extremely rich, famous, and successful CEO of Vine 2. •