The courses you should be taking next year

Shirah Lister

In my four years at the lovely school that is Wilson, I have taken dozens (if not hundreds) of classes. Some might even call me a schedule master. Because of my expertise, I’ve decided to create a list of unknown but iconic classes here at Wilson for you to fill your schedule with. 

    1. How To Fail A Standardized Test: Many of us have taken test prep classes, or maybe even read test prep books. However, no one tells you how to fail an AP, SAT, or ACT… arguably one of the most important skills to learn. That’s why I would highly recommend this class, taught by Mr. SAT himself. Here, you’ll learn valuable skills of filling in the bubble incorrectly and bringing a Number 1 pencil.
    2. AP Farming: This is a lesser-known Wilson class, one you have to answer three riddles from your counselors to get into. Once you finally get in (it took me a couple of tries), you will immediately be tasked with catching nine escaped goats (you may know them as ‘The Beacon staff’). The classroom is conveniently located in the laundry room, where Wilson keeps its chickens and raspberry bushes. For the final, you have to drink a glass of cow milk.
    3. Surviving an Apocalypse 101: Spoiler alert—you can’t.
    4. The Purpose of the Appendix: I’m sure we’ve all wondered the true purpose of that weird thing in our bodies that can sometimes explode (I know I have). In this wonderful Wilson course, you will NOT learn the purpose of the appendix. However, you will learn the correct spelling of it (apendicks?) and maybe even get the chance to remove a fellow classmate’s appendix (lucky you!). 
    5. Oxford CommaGood or Bad?: We hate them ‘till they aren’t there. This class will make you question your beliefs and every English teacher you’ve ever had. I would recommend it. 
    6. The Art of Righting: There, they’re, or their. Our or hour. Write or right. Its or It’s. Not even the teacher knows the answers to these questions.
    7. AP Calculus CD: Better known as the forbidden fruit of math classes, you will finally uncover the secrets of the universe in this class. Just kidding! We watched the Diary of a Wimpy Kid franchise 17 and ⅜ times. I would definitely recommend this class for those who have not seen the Diary of a Wimpy Kid franchise 17 and ⅜ times. Otherwise, this class might not be for you.
    8. How About Airplane Food?: The question as old as time. Will it be answered? I guess you’ll just have to take the class to find out.

These are just SOME of the many life-changing classes I’ve taken here at Wilson. If you would like a full list, please contact 1-800-SHI-RAH!