SATIRE: Trump’s tweets analyzed


Maddy Kessler, Zara Hall

With a 140 character limit on Twitter, Trump’s tweets may be a bit hard to understand sometimes. To help you out, we analyzed some of his tweets so they make (a little) more sense.

Trump; A 140 Character Visionary, Tweets Analyzed

“Dishonest media says Mexico won’t be paying for the wall if they pay a little later so the wall can be built more quickly. Media is fake!” [email protected] January 8, 2017 8:05 p.m.

Trump is just saying that that Mexico is trying to delay the wall, so that they don’t have to pay once all the work is done, something they would have picked up from Trump’s presidential playbook! He is mad because they are taking more than just jobs, obviously.

The world was gloomy before I won – there was no hope. Now the market is up nearly 10% and Christmas spending is over a trillion dollars!” [email protected] December 26, 2016 3:32 p.m.

Looks like he was reading fake news when he got these numbers… Even if that was true, it’s only because drinking water now costs $45, because we all know if it’s not out of a Swell bottle, it’s no good. Also, parents had to spend an extra $200 this holiday season to get their kids a phone that doesn’t explode. After that, an extra $160 on headphones because your 300 million pairs of headphones don’t fit into your new iPhone 7.

“I watched parts of @nbcsnl Saturday Night Live last night. It is a totally one-sided, biased show – nothing funny at all. Equal time for us?” [email protected] November 20, 2016 5:26 a.m.

The real question is if Trump actually even watched SNL, being up at 5 am. And to answer his inquiry, equal time would be spent justifying the GOP’s mistakes and attacks on minorities.

“Whether I choose him or not for “State”- Rex Tillerson, the Chairman & CEO of ExxonMobil, is a world class player and dealmaker. Stay tuned!” December 11, 2016 7:29 a.m.

Meet Trump, the new host of American Secretary of State! Stay tuned for the winner… Hopefully it is Tillerson as he seems very suited for the position as a “World Class Player” in Trump’s words.

This tweet is from Trump’s daughter, and one can tell she’s his spawn:

“I cannot believe that Theodore is 8 months old today! Happy birthday little teddy bear!”  [email protected]   November 27, 2016 6:28 a.m.

Ivanka… birthdays happen once a year and a year is 12 months long just in case you forgot.