The Wilson Beacon

Elie Salem
Second year at The Beacon, but it’s no sweat cuz he is a BOSS. This junior is also the News Editor, though is never mentioned (probably intentionally) in the list of staff-members so is basically a glorified nobody. Most depressingly, he has played about a hundred games of fortnite and NEVER received a fat dub. Not once, Jamie knows. This guy has had 4 cats, two snakes (one killed by cats), 1 leopard gecko (killed by cats), 14 hamsters (2 killed by cannibalistic father hamster, who somehow also attacked the cats), and 2 parrots (yep, death by cats). For him, any sad event is --in order of magnitude-- a “big oof,” “medium oof,” or simply, an “oof.”

Elie Salem , News Editor

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