Musings from the school ghost


I was doing what I usually do to occupy my lonesome time in the empty building—gnawing on old Juul pods in the leaky shower—when I heard it: the cacophony of obnoxious laughter, beeping metal detectors, and the revolting voices of children. Wilson was finally back in session. 

Immediately I sobered from my melancholic stupor and floated to Wilson’s entrance. I expected to see the laughable image of dozens of jostling limbs, wrestling each other to get through security, but oh was I wrong. Instead, I was greeted by a line of single file students going on for miles. It was terrifying.

Sure, I was missing you guys less than a month ago, but now that you’re actually back I’m not sure what to do with myself. Everything feels…off. 

Rather than playing his groovy lunchtime tunes, DJ Bargeman has been occupying the principal’s office; that one fourth-floor math teacher is still not back; to top it off, hardly any of you eat inside anymore which means I can’t eat your droppings off the floor. At least Ms. Barnes is back and I get to hear her talk about her cat Frankie. That’s always pleasant. 

But I don’t know, something’s just not the same. Wait— I think I’ve got it: you’ve managed to f***ing multiply. What’s worse is that this ridiculously large new generation of students has a blatant lack of respect for Wilson’s traditions. 

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ve seen people who aren’t seniors on the SENIOR steps! Freshmen and sophomores now think they can go through the pool entrance?? And get this, I’ve heard freshmen asking if there’s a homecoming. Ha! As if you’re on the guest list.  

Alas, I will savor the few things that are still and will always be quintessential Wilson experiences: laughing at the students desperately trying to push out the pink elixir in the bathrooms, watching the security lines get held up because someone brought a metal fork, and seeing your goofy little faces scrunch up in frustration when you’re called in 10 minutes early from lunch. 

If any of you reading this are feeling as lost and alone as I do, just remember you’re never really alone—Keith the Ghost is always silently stalking. •