Fairy Good Advice

Anya Herzberg and Charlotte Guy

Dear Anya and Charlotte: There’s this guy who really likes me, and I like him too, but he’s a bit too affectionate. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really sweet, but it’s just too much. We’re not dating. and I’ve told him I don’t want to and he’s respectful of that, but he’s still going too fast for me. I’ve tried telling him, but he’s not taking the hint. How do I tell him to slow down? 

Sincerely,

Distressed. 

 

Dear Distressed,


We understand your issue and sympathize with the situation you’re in. It can be awkward and uncomfortable when you’re not on the same page as someone you are close to. We want to start off by acknowledging that your discomfort is 100 percent valid and personal boundaries are vital to uphold. You can’t build a relationship if the foundation is uncommunicative. 

The first step is to talk; communication is key. We know you said that you already brought it up to him but we want to emphasize the weight of having a clear face-to-face conversation (this means not over FaceTime or in passing). Before this conversation, think about the following questions:

What do you want out of your relationship? And if the answer is simply companionship or someone to talk to, you shouldn’t feel guilty. You don’t owe him anything. Do you not want a relationship, or do you just not want a relationship with him? What has he done to make you uncomfortable? What are some things about him that you like?

Reflect on your answers to the questions and establish clear boundaries. Use this in the conversation to tell him what is okay and what is not. Be assertive and dominant! You’re a strong, independent woman.

Now you’ve talked, reflect on how it went. But remember that the only way to gauge if he really retained what you said is by how he behaves afterward. Actions speak louder than words. If he’s still not respecting you and your boundaries, you need to revisit your relationship and consider cutting him off completely. Don’t feel bad for choosing yourself. 

On the other hand, he might be completely receptive! If this is the case, then, awesome! We are so happy for you.

No matter the outcome, remember that you are the priority, and give yourself some credit for addressing this in general. We understand that it can be very difficult. We hope that this was some fairy good advice.

 

Xoxo,

Anya and Charlotte <3

DM @thewilsonbeacon if you have something that’s been troubling you.