Shirah and Sarah’s Guide to handling the warm weather

Sarah Lorgan

Oh hello Beacon readers! If you live under a rock like Sharah Lorgan, you would not have seen the beautiful warm weather DC has been blessed with. If you do not live under a rock, lucky you. We may have wasted the winter weather, perhaps even the fall weather, but we will be damned if this warm weather is not enjoyed. Sharah Lorgan will be out everyday at 5 AM, seizing the day. Here are some of our top ideas for enjoying this warm weather.

  • Live outside. Living indoors is soooo 20th century. Real 2000s kids live outdoors. No tent, no fire, just real men doing men things.
  • NO SUNSCREEN 2021. Hear us out. We know every dermatologist on TikTok is telling you guys to wear sunscreen, but who are you going to trust: Sharah Lorgan or some random “medical professional” who has multiple “degrees.” You know what, so does the sun.  
  • Go to class in the wilderness! School isn’t real, might as well emphasize that by taking your classes outside. Nothing screams “yes I’m listening” like bugs swarming your face and grass stabbing your legs.
  • Take your mom out. Sharah wants 2 see.
  • Photoshop pics of you outside. Let’s be real, you’ve been inside allllll year. Might as well keep that streak going. You can just open a window or invest in an outdoors scented candle for the vibes.
  • Beach trip! On the opposite side of the spectrum, you’ve been inside all year! Time to reward yourself by inviting 30 of your closest friends to a ‘COVID safe’ trip to Miami, or our personal favorite: Texas. 
  • Relive March 2020 quarantine. We’re talking walks, whipped coffee, those annoying TikTok songs (SUPALONELY, I’m so sorry we did you like that).
  • Have an outdoors prom! We know freshman, sophomores, and juniors (not seniors), you guys are devastated you missed HOCO. However, just because she’s gone doesn’t mean you can’t have your very own prom! Just throw some fairy lights at Ft. Reno and prepare for the most magical night of your life.

This is the end to our scripture this month. We hope you have taken advantage of this little stint of warm March weather, sponsored by Global Warming. Life is all about enjoying the little things before society as a whole burns to the ground.