Fairy Good Advice

Charlotte Guy and Anya Herzberg

Why are there no hot people in my classes?

Sincerely, Lone Wolf


Dear Lone Wolf,


 We’re going to start this off by kindly asking you to look in the mirror. What do you see? Based on this question we suspect a repugnant troll. Hahaha JK! But seriously…hot people lift up their peers. 

Revisit your narrative of what “hot” is because here at Fairy Good Advice™ we don’t equate physical aesthetics to beauty. Beautiful means you’re kind, tenderhearted, whimsical, clubby, and fierce. Next time you go to class here’s what you should look out for: the person who blesses you when you sneeze, the person who picks up your pencil when you drop it, the person who reminds the teacher of the homework they assigned last night; these are the hottest Tigers of them all. 

Wait. Hang on a second. How do you even know what anyone looks like under their mask? Putting aside the fact that you’re obviously very superficial, we’d like you to take a second to consider the phenomenon known as “reverse mask-fishing.”  There’s a good chance that your lab partner that you wrote off for having eyes too far apart—or close together—might have the most sensuous lips you’ve ever encountered. Think about how much this would expand your options! 

But if you’re not really vibing with this Fairy Good Advice™, here are a few scheduling do’s and don’ts to optimize hotness levels in your classes next year:

  • DO take AP Chem; things get hot in there and those goggles are …;) 
  • DON’T take statistics. Or geometry. Or calc. Actually, scratch that…just don’t take any math classes at all. One in every two math students is too lost in their land of derivatives and imaginary numbers to be an eligible bachelor. We would know, we’re in AP stat. 
  • DO take art. Just imagine the artsy kid with paint-splattered clothes tantalizingly doodling on your hand in purple pen. Oh my! The tingles!  
  • DON’T take economics. We might be biased, but only fools who want to make it on Wall Street take that class. Boooo capitalism. They might buy you a penthouse but they can never buy your heart! 
  • DO take journalism. This wildly gender-imbalanced six-person class is ripe with hotties (psssst we’re two of them).